Is there an issue?
How do you know if someone close to you has an issue with gambling?
People gamble for many reasons - for excitement, the thrill of winning or to be social. Gambling becomes an issue when it causes harm to the gambler and those close to them. Usually this means they are spending more money or time on gambling than they can afford.
Here are some signs to look out for:
Money related signs
- Unexplained debt or borrowing
- Money/assets disappearing
- Numerous loans
- Unpaid bills/disconnection notices
- Lack of food in the house
- Losing wallets/money regularly
- Missing financial statements
- Secret bank accounts/loans/credit cards
Interpersonal issues
- Moodiness, unexplained anger
- Depression
- Decreased contact with friends
- Family complaints about being emotionally shut out
- Avoidance of social events
- Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
Time related signs
- Disappearing for amounts of time that they cannot account for
- No time for everyday activities
- Overuse of sick days and days off
- Use increasing amounts of time to study gambling
- Taking an unusual amount of time for tasks (eg taking two hours to get milk from the corner store)
Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Secret bank accounts/loans/ credit cards
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
How you can help: TALK ABOUT IT
The best way to find out if someone has a gambling problem is to ask. You cannot predict how they will react, but you can let them know you are asking because you care about them. Try to discuss this in an honest and non-confrontational way.
It may help to talk about what you have noticed: “You seem worried and you are spending a lot of time at the club”; and how you feel: “I am worried that you may be having a problem with gambling”.
Some people may be relieved to talk about their gambling; others may feel so ashamed and guilty, that they are unable to talk about it. Some may get very angry or deny that they have a problem with gambling.
- Say NO to problem gambling and lying and YES, I care about you.
- Even if they deny they have a problem you can provide them with information about where to get help.
- It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling.
- Try to keep the lines of communication open and focussed on the problem.
- If you find the discussions aggressive, circular or hurtful take a break and agree on another time to resume the discussion.
You can call the Gambler's Helpline (1800 858 858) to talk about how you plan to approach your family member or friend. The Helpline is staffed by professional counsellors and can provide immediate, free and confidential help 24 hours a day.
You might also like to watch the true story of Dianne, who tells her very real and very personal account of her husband’s gambling problem, and how with the assistance of Gambler’s Help, or, of Robert, who tells his story of how he discovered his wife had been gambling, and how, with the help of counselling they were able to overcome the problem and repair the damage gambling had done to their family.
Do you need professional help?
It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling should it continue.
You have the right to feel safe, and emotionally and financially secure. If taking action puts your safety or the safety of others at risk you may need professional help.
You may need to put some emotional and physical distance between yourself and the problem gambler. This may be distressing and you may need to cease or dramatically change your relationship with the problem gambler. This may only be for a short time, or it may be permanent.
If you are starting to experience overwhelming sadness, anxiety or anger then seeking professional help may be a good idea. Talking to a professional who understands problem gambling will help you regain perspective and explore your options.
Counselling or self-help groups can assist you in making decisions regarding your relationship. You may find relationship counselling and mediation a safer alternative for discussing problems and seeking solutions, especially if there is a breakdown of communication between you and the problem gambler.
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